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10 February 2007 @ 10:15 pm
I'd like to start out but saying yes, sometimes I wanted her. And sometimes I thought it would be really great and amazing to date her.

And those thoughts went away.

And she wanted to date me.

She let me know this by following me everywhere and in general not leaving me alone. And if I mentioned plans I could count on her turning up.

I have a personal space bubble the size of the Vatican.

Jeff understood this and that my time and us time were separate things that did not mix.

And now... she won't let it go. She knows I'm not interested. Mostly. Because sometimes, though they are fewer now that she drove me to the point of insanity three months ago, I still want her. But I know that we'd kill each other. Our friendship is already strained, I'd like to keep what we've got. I moved on. She knows, I told her, I can't do this. Will she let me go and move on and will she move on because I really think she should. My heart belongs to a blonde who doesn't even know my name. And another blonde who I cannot have, regardless of anyone's feelings. And she already fucked with my life and my sense of security so much that letting her close again scares the shit out of me. So I wish she'd just let me go.

I'll admit I had my fair share in fucking up the situation, but can't she just leave me alone?

What a fucked up piece of shit for a relationship that never really happened. (because our entire group of friends, and my parents, thinking we're dating doesn't count)

Teenage angst meter: like a million and one point two.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Breakfast on Pluto
08 January 2007 @ 07:16 pm
April - I'm so glad you're okay. Love, W

Spanish is a bitch and a half.
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: need to go
06 January 2007 @ 05:17 pm
She says if I want to see him alive again I have to leave now.

I honestly don't know what to do.
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: The Wild Party
27 December 2006 @ 07:17 pm
Not going to Hawaii, grandfather sufficiently not dying for me to stay here.

No fucking clue what I'm wearing of course. Emma what are you wearing?

Dear Mr. Haydn,
You should be taken out and shot. No, that's too good for you. First, hung till you're half dead. Then your fingernails removed. And toenails. Then your hands burned off. Then halved and quartered. Then your head chopped off and stuck on a pike above a large, ugly Roman style monument with naked men.
Yours always, Woollcott

I feel better now.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: Wicked
24 December 2006 @ 10:08 pm
So here is my current status.

Christmas happened last night, so now actual Christmas feels sort of like fake Christmas and it's kind of a let down. And Starbucks closed at four today, which was really a let down. But, I did get, The Wild Party (off broadway cast) soundtrack which I think should be retitled "SEX: with Idina Menzel, Julia Murney and Taye Diggs". Well, mainly just Julia Murney and Idina Menzel. Other things, money, lots of Starbucks money. OHHH plaid flannel pajamas. New ties. Boxers. DVDs. Bebe Neuwirth singing All That Jazz. Which is also sex. More lovely Virginia Woolf books.

And this morning my mother left for Hawaii. Apparently my grandfather is in bad enough shape that she had to go. I was supposed to find out tonight if I need to go, but now I'm finding tomorrow. And if they keep making me wait I'm going to go OUT OF MY MIND.

Because I'm scared to go. Really, really scared. So I need to find out. Also good to know if I'm going to make it to wedding next weekend.

Yeah, so I hate to be the voice of gloom, but this Christmas sucks.

Dear Nathan Lane,
I love you, and I love you in the Birdcage, but I really did not need that song stuck in my head. My dad walked in on me waltzing around the kitchen singing:
"Quick little dream, before you're gone, lets get it on."
Yeah. Great.
Love, Woollcott
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: An Ideal Husband
22 December 2006 @ 07:44 pm
Maybe a trip to Hawaii to see grandpa who maybe is dying.

Can this possibly get any worse?

Yes. I sure it could. But it sucks enough right now.

Dear KC
You're basically the reason to live. I don't even know you. But you're just so adorable and for some crazy reason I love you. Do you know how wonderful you are?
Love always, Woollcott

PS merry fucking christmas
Current Music: Getting to Know You - The King and I
22 December 2006 @ 11:13 am
I'm not here.

I know on the other one I said I wasn't posting but I lied. I need to write about my feelings. It's my anti-drug or whatever. This winter break officially sucks.

If I had to pick one word to describe Spot's death: random. She was fine yesterday. Now the whole household is fucked up.

It totally hasn't hit me yet. I keep thinking maybe it's a really stupid joke. Like the fact there's still Spot hair on my clean clothes. Of course she'd leave me that. So typical of her. She was the most arrogant creature I've ever met.

God I'm going to miss her.
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: Wicked
21 December 2006 @ 11:52 pm
I’m going back tomorrow. Regardless of the weather. Won’t tell my parents. I haven’t been in over a year. It won’t be the same but maybe I’ll be able to find where ever I left myself.

I feel like a little animal that lives in a hole. A hermit crab. And I start poking myself out my shell and something scares my back into my shell. Sometimes it’s myself and sometimes it’s other people and I’m not sure which scares me more.

More and more I just want the whole world to bugger off and leave me alone. So I could find me. Who I am or who I was or who I will be. Something. Anything to pick up and hold on to.

Some days I just don’t know what’s going to become of me and simply existing seems like quite a challenging feat.
Current Mood: draineddrained
Current Music: the last moments of the day